I had been thinking about how conflicts between people begins and how people's thinking might cause conflict. If you notice, sometimes, the first time you saw a person, you might feel uncomfortable with him. Otherwise, you might also feel pleased when you saw some other people for the first time. The first impression might lead you to judge a person. If you are a white, and he's a black people, then you will bear in mind that he is rough, bad etc, and if you see a smiling beautiful women, you feel so pleased. All this external expression which you detect with your senses are then judged by your heart..
People tend to judge other people by guessing what is in the other's heart. Our heart try to speculate wether the heart's of others are good, bad, sincere or not.
Human's heart are all blind, it leaves in a very dark space which it can't see other hearts and others can't see it as well. Living in the blindness, it can only receive message from our senses, which will then interpreted.
Because human's heart are blind, they always made wrong interpretation about the hearts of others. A conflict will begin if a person think that his oponent's heart is thinking negatively about him (his heart) even this is not true.. This will then cause him (his heart) to develop hatress and feel of disgust every time he meet or see that person. He will eventually express his feeling of uncomfortable (externalization) which then seen by his oponent. His externalization eventually causes his oponent to undergo the same chain of reaction, which end up with bad relationship. I summarized this chain of reactions in the following pictures I made:
As I studied medicine, my scheme is very similar to cellular structure, and it function a little bit. And supprisingly, the cellular behavior really fit the theory of bad relation.
The central portion is the nucleus which represent the human's heart (feeling)
The lateral border is the membrane which represent the human's senses (eyes, ears, smell etc)
This picture shows two kind of people, a sensitive one, and insensitive person. These sensitivity is represented by the smooth edge plasma membrane, while the insensitive people have the rough plasma membrane. The first time these two people meet, the relationship is neutral, there is no bad or good thaught inside hearts of each person. They still don't speak and talk and walk and live together. No much communication, no conflict.
As they talk, walk, and do a lot of activity together, the less sensitive one might usually do actions that the more sensitive one don't like. The bad actions (rough edge of plasma membrane) will come into contact with the smooth plasma membrane of the more sensitive person. This resembling the phenomenon where that sensitive person starts to detect the badness of the other one.. This bad behavior perceived by the senses of the sensitive people is then transmitted to his blind heart (blind means that his heart cannot see the other hearts).
because his heart are blind. that heart try to make assumption that the other's heart might think he is a negative people. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO BE UNDERSTOOD, even it looks funny to read this kind of sentence. That person thinks that his friend hates him, feeling disgust with him, even this is not true. The black nucleus represents heart which having bad perception TOWARDS OTHER HEART. the black heart (let say in person A) will feel that he's not appreciated, useless, and no meaning to the person B (insensitive one). However, the truth is that B isn;t like that, B still think A is his friend.
The wrong interpretation towards other's heart seen in person A might cause him to express his feeling of uncomfort toward person B. person A will now do something that might hurt person B, either by words, by actions, or by body language. This is represented by the spike of plasma membrane in cell A.
As the person B is treated badly, B start to notice and feel the change in person A by his senses (eyes, hearing etc), and the bad signal is transmitted to his heart, allowing the heart to assume that person A don't like him for some reasons he don't know. As the B's heart think that A's heart is negative (thinking negative about him), he then develop negativity towards person A (represented by the black heart/nucleus).. he might think person A is not a sincere person in relationship, he might think person A is racist, he might think person A is bias to other friends.
The result of both thinking negatively about others (where they shoudn't so) is both people express the feeling of disgust towards each other, and series of bad relationship continues, until they realize about this article maybe =) Both people now are so confident that the other person is having negative thaught about him, thus verify their previous judgement.. Each of them did not realize that the problem actually is caused by themselves, their blindness of heart, who judge people mistakenly..
However, there is one way to stop the conflict between this two people.
The people who read this article should have realized that the problem is really caused by our own blind heart (perception), weakness of our heart in determining the status of other hearts. The people who have conflict, and have already read this article should understand that your oponent is not bad as you thaught he was. It was you and your act who induce him behaving that way. His bad behavior gave you bad signal, causing your heart to say that you heart is negative to you. You then act badly to him, causing his heart to think your heart is negative to him. both person act badly to others, comforming the assumption. then, conflicts occured.
Now what you have to do is to fix your perception (your heart) towars him. You have to believe that he dont think you are a negative person. You must think that he really appreciate you as a friend before you create the conflict. His heart is white as shown in the picture no 1. It was you who caused his white heart to turned into black.. You understand what I say?
Now, after you realize your mistakes, you will have good perception towards his early thaught about you (even now he's not anymore, but that's because of you!) Now act gently to him and treat him as your good friend. You might change your behavior to less sensitive to fit with his behavior (as shown in the picture). You have to represent your white heart (good, pleasure feeling about him) by the good and appropriate signalling (expressions)
The good signalling will cause him to assume that he might also misjudge your heart. Now that he believe that your heart is white (positive to him). He will start to slow down his temper, he'll avoid fighting, he'll feel more comfortable when both you met togetherr.
The result is, both of you will be back as good friends which now adapt to eaach other. The more sensitive one will know that he have to be less sensitive, and the sensitive one know that he have to be more carefull to take care of your heart. He would avoid any bad expressions.
There is also a faster way to recover the bad relationship. This can be done by sending positive signals to the doubt heart (the grey nucleus). [The grey heart means that he's confuse if your heart is positive to him or negative]. Positive signals include wishing happy birthday, take him for luch/dinner, and the bes way is to ask him if he happened to have any bad feeling/thaught towards you.
Wishing you GOOD LUCK IN SAVING THE RELATIONSHIPS AND AVOIDING CONFLICTS!!
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