I had a friend, who always help me in many things. He back me up whenever I feel down or guilty. One day, i became so angry with him after he broke his promise. I scold him and he felt so sad. Until today, our relation is not as good as before. Every time I saw him and he saw me i felt like there are barriers between us that make me feel uneasy, uncomfortable. since then i had been thinking the ways to recover our relationship. it is so easy to break a relationship, but to rebuild them is extremely hard.
The problem of uneasiness is caused when he think that I think negatively about him. He might feel that i dont like him, or he might think that I feel he's a promise-breaker. This is normal, we will hate somebody who we think they don't like us or feel disgust with us. If both sides think that the other side dont like them, and actually they are not, then this uneasiness between these two people will occur.
Our biggest problem to solve this things are to make other side regain his/her trust in our love/feeling of being friend to them. Most of the time we try to regain his trust of our sincerety for friendship by acting nicely in front of them to give the message 'i am your good friend'. But this action might cause them think that our kindness are kind of acting and we just cover our negative feeling towards them. I had tried this action, but still, no much improvement occur.
Now, what I did next is to deliver the message 'I dont have any problems with you'. We might not necessarily be so kind with them, but we need to act cool like there's nothing happened between us. Yes, this time, there is little increase in recovery of our relationship. I believe that the relationship between humans are not like 'two people connected with one rope' like traditionally thought by some people, instead, relationship between 2 people is free without anything. If we create problems with our friend, instead of we 'cut the rope / breaking the bond', we actually make either 'walls/barrier' or forming gaps between people. Acting cool like there has never been any fire wall or gap between me and my friend will help a lot in making him believe that there is no wall between us. Remember that, our friend will feel like what he thought we feel about him. If he think that he is positive in his friend's eye, then he will feel appreciated and feel positive about his friend as well.
I like to use 'wall' instead of those 'breaking a bond' because the actual situations happen when people disagree with each other is more similar to those wall created between them. By those wall, these two people will hardly communicate with each other, don't even dare to answer phone call, feeling uncomfortable being with that guy (because afraid that he might feel uncomfortable with us), feeling jealousy, feeling the tendency to reject any of his/her idea, and feeling of demotivated each time we were to be commanded by that person.
All these barrier-dependent symptomps are originated from our wrong perception towards the person. Now, what to do to break this bond? Show how sincere you are in the relationship, show that you really need and appreciate that person so much. But the problem is how?
I planned something on how to show my appreciation to that person. My plan is chronological:
1. Don't easily apologies because this will verify his thought that you are guilty to him and you should be blamed for the breaking relationship. Hold your apologise for some times. what you should do is;
2. Act cool like nothing happened before, act like you are still his good friend. Buy food for him, or cook for him like you did before will make him believe that you never had problem with him.
3. Try act like you don't understand what's the problem of the breaking relationship. Although he might feel like you are insensitive, but by time he will be confused wether you are guilty or just he who misjudged you. This act might cause him to think that you are unintentionally scold him while you don't really mean to do that. This behavior always i see in my 'girl friend' because, each time she did mistakes and I was angry, i noticed that she don't even noticed that I am angry and she didn't even realize that she is guilty, and despite, I myself will feel guilty that I become angry to the person who didn't even realize she made mistake. These is some reciprocal psychology I found in relationship.
4. If still condition is not getting better, the best way is to step out. Run away from those person whom you have conflict with. This is the best thing to do. by time, he might forgot those conflict you had. And remember not to talk anything about those problems you had before. Or maybe, this is the time to apologise, when everything is cold, no much reaction will occur, apologises are easily accepted.
Believe me, this method is to some people looks antiparallel to the common method in friendhip fixing, but if we look in other perspective, this method really works, even better than apologizes.
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